life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My penis needs a shock collar
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
