dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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