forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
