I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
