just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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