and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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