I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I will pee on everything he values.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
