I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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