Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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