I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You made out with two different species that night
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
