her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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