I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
