You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
