Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
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I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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