I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
