I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
