Nicole vs. Life
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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