what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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