Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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