Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Everything about him screamed your future.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
try to milk me bitch
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
