his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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