I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
