I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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