so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
