For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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