Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize