my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
