No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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