Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
