I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
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I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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