Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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