Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
