This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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