so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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