Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
