We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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