The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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