More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
