I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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