All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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