I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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