My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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