She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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