my sisters under your porch take her home
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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