Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
