So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
