alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
