ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
