i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
