$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
