Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
