So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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