Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
