like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
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Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
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He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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