I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
